Friday 15 July 2011

Safe Sex and the Romantic Novel

Romance novels are all full of idealised relationships, which give women an unrealistic idea of sex and get them into trouble.  That’s the impression of many people who love to knock the very idea of the romance novel, and much as I’d love to leap in to defend the genre I write in, I have spent some time this week thinking about both sides of the argument.

I followed a comment thread on Facebook, which had been stimulated by an article in the Sunday Observer by Catherine Bennett (10th July).  Her article was responding to an article by Susan Quilliam in the Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Health Care.  The gist of the whole debate was about Romance novels making women sexually irresponsible.

I agreed with most of the Facebook comments about women needing to take personal responsibility, and that policing romantic fiction to make sure the safe sex message gets across would be ridiculous.  But putting aside the idea that women reading endless idealised love stories would emulate their heroines and fail to use a condom, another idea struck me when following the debate.

Romantic novels sell.  They are hugely popular and account for a massive share of the book market, and yet they are constantly attacked as being a lower form of literature.  It’s no wonder romance authors leap to defend their genre when attacked, but criticism can often offer an opportunity to improve, and this week’s debate is offering just that.

Like any good writer I read widely in the genre I am working in, but find far more books to hate than to love.  The problem I have with many is that I just don’t believe what I’m reading could actually happen.  For me to get a thrill I need to believe the possibility that what’s happening in the book could happen to me.  Safe sex is something we all have to think about, and although we’d all like to give into our passions, there comes a moment in every relationship when the condom discussion has to be done.  Many romantic novels do tend to gloss over this awkward moment, but putting aside the responsibility argument, what about the literary argument.  Isn’t it more interesting to read about the complexities of starting a sexual relationship than to have the bedroom door closed in our faces?  And taking two possible heroes: the one who ruthlessly takes what he wants, or the man who cares enough to buy and use a packet of condoms, I know which one would make my heart race.

I have worked with young women trying to teach them about safe sex, and although it is wrong to say that they were never influenced by romantic books or films, it is too simplistic to say that sticking a condom on our romantic heroes would eliminate STDs and unplanned pregnancies in an instant.  But making our books more realistic could make them more readable.

The times have changed.  Women have changed.  Contemporary romantic fiction needs to constantly evolve to reflect the reality of sexual relationships, and in doing so it may satisfy our readers in ways we never thought possible!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bitter-Roots/dp/B004RPWJEE    My contemporary romance novel in which I have tried to adhere to my argument above.

Thursday 7 July 2011

Dealing with Rejection

This blog is aimed at writers, but everyone faces rejection now and then, and the emotions experienced are likely to be the same, but in varying degrees, so I hope this will prove useful to all who read it.  But every writer will have to deal with rejections, and it can be hard to handle.  This is meant to be a positive guide to handling rejection.

The chain of rejection
Agents will reject you:  If you’re going down the traditional route of trying to get an agent there will be that first battle to find one who likes you and your work.  You’ll probably collect a nice pile of standard rejection letters, but if you’re very lucky you might even get a few words of encouragement.  Hold on to these! 

Publishers will reject you:  Even if you’ve managed to get an agent on your side, you will still probably have to deal a lack of enthusiasm from a number of publishers, until you hit on the one who’s going to make your dream into reality.  It does happen!

Readers will reject you:  Once your work has made it to publication, there are then the reviews to handle.  It’s unlikely that everyone will love your beautifully crafted work, and this can often be the hardest rejection to handle.  But you really can’t please everyone!

THE GOLDEN RULE!  Do not take any rejection of your work personally.  All opinions are subjective, and you have to learn as you go through the process, taking any useful advice you’re given and accepting criticism gracefully.

So, how does rejection affect people?  There is a theory that people go through 5 stages of grief.  This is usually applied to bereavement, but knowing these stages can be a useful aid to help deal with rejections, which in a small way are the death of a hope or desire.

The Five Stages
DENIAL: How can they reject my work; it’s brilliant!  Well, maybe it is brilliant, but just isn’t right for them.  Take on board any useful comments, but accept the rejection and move on.

ANGER: What does that arsehole know?  At this stage DO NOT under any circumstances communicate with the person rejecting you.  Remember, it’s not personal it’s just one person’s opinion.  Do whatever non-harmful thing you need to do to release the anger then let it go.

BARGAINING: I don’t think you read it properly, if you’d just take another look.  Unfortunately, unless they’ve asked you to make revisions and resubmit, no means no.  Find someone else to send to.

DEPRESSION: Everybody hates my work!  I’m a failure!  When you’ve received nothing but rejection you’re bound to start feeling like this, but look at it as a process.  You’re just trying to find one person amongst hundreds who will value and champion your work.  YOU need to have faith in your work, so it can help to collect any positive comments you receive from anyone then to type them up and stick then on your wall where you can see them.  If you’ve not received any positive comments then look at the criticisms – is there a pattern?  Is there anything you can do to make your work better?  Constantly look for anything useful that will help you to move forwards.  And if you really need it, there is lots of professional help out there.  It can cost lots of money to go through a literary consultancy, but you could go on courses, you could network with other writers, go to talks, read writer’s magazines.  You don’t have to do this alone.

ACCEPTANCE:  If you get a rejection, or even a pile of rejections, feel free to pass through the four stages above, but then pick yourself up and move on.  Think of the stories you’ll tell at Literary Festivals in the years to come of how you struggled to achieve your goal.  And if you don’t ever achieve your goal, perhaps it wasn’t the right goal for you.  But at least you can be happy that you put yourself out there and tried.  Think of another goal and start all over again.

Try, try again, try harder, and then maybe try something different. 

Good luck!